Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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