Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
