Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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