video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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