I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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