So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
