I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
