Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
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you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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