pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
