Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
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So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
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In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize