I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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