Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
