I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Randomize
