We named our party play list daddy issues
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
