Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
