It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
