yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
