My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
