I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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