Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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