i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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