I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
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