Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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