epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
