you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
