just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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