Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
