Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
