I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This is my gift to your gina
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
