I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
