Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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