Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
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