you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
