i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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