His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize