You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
