I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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