i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
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My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
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We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize