Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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