A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
