I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
