My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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