Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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