I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
