The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
