HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
