I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
As shirtless as possible
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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