On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
