She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
