Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
