i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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