I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize
