I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
