well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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