I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
