i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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