You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
