Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
