she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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