Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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