when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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