I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
