please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
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He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
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But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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