dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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