fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
