its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
