I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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