So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
